Envy

I read somewhere that you should pay attention to when you feel the green monster, called Envy, rise within you.  Envy helps us identify what it is that we want.  Paying attention to what we want is a national pastime, causing many a person to feel dissatisfied with what is in front of them.  I like to think of envy as far more useful, maybe setting us off in a direction that we might not ever consider.

Today I went to Toronto to visit my eldest daughter, Miss Mary.  She studies drawing and painting and is one of the greatest inspirations in my life.  She inherited my lackluster interest in "good housekeeping" and when I arrived today my son, Charlie, was drying his hands after washing her dishes that had been sitting for "awhile."  Nevertheless her freedom and passion for life supersedes and eclipses most anything that might offend the housekeeping police.

When Miss M was a baby, all I wanted to do was to take care of her.  To clothe her in dresses sewn by me and  sweaters knit by me.  I wanted to make her toys and baby food.  I wanted to make her books and paint the pictures to hang on her wall.  She was the greatest project I had ever created and the sun rose and set on her.  I really was not obsessed, I swear, although it may have seemed like that to the casual onlooker.  Anyways... all of these things that I wanted to do for Miss M required research and sourcing out of materials.  I remember wandering through Jo-Ann, worrying that the sewing and knitting arts surely must be fading away in the age of cheap imports.  Little did I know of the "crafting" phenomena that would result in these last twenty-years.

As we cleaned up Miss M's studio in her new apartment, affectionately known as the "Enchanted Rabbit Hole," I reflected back on years of making sure there was enough paper, paint, brushes, pencils, crayons, and yes....glue, for her creative appetite.  I felt a pang of envy washing over me.  As an art student, it is her job to work creatively, and I was envious.  My days are filled with many commitments and blessings, leaving little room for working creatively with paper, paints, brushes, pencils, and so on.  Working on Mary's studio was a reminder of what I want and reinforcement of why I am setting this hobby project as a priority.  I need to create, it helps me breathe, and when I don't create time to create, I can get very cranky.  Here's to Envy.